I would think the logical person to ask is your wife.

She might be expected to know all the tricky parts of the situation we can't, and probably is predisposed to accept your involvement in her family.

Your options are limited. You're an outsider and very new to actually being in the family, doesn't matter how long you dated your wife previously. You've only been recently allowed to enter the inner-circle of the family via marriage.

If you are asked for your opinion then give it gently and tactfully. Don't come out immediately as being overly-critical.

If you aren't asked for your opinion. Leave it alone. It's honestly none of your business. Your father-in-law will be offended and you risk losing a foothold in the family despite the freshness of the marriage.

Leave it alone unless otherwise asked.

當前您是這個家庭的客人。您被授予住在這裡的禮貌。不建議對他們所做的任何事情提出任何批評，因為它有可能真正引起嚴重的問題。

作為父母，除非我看到對某人的安全或類似事物構成重大威脅，否則我永遠不會說什麼。我的座右銘是“不是我的猴子，不是我的馬戲團”，這實際上只是意味著如果它們不是我的孩子，那不是我的事。

我了解您的擔心是因為您認為這使他度過了艱難的生活。很有可能是這樣。儘管父親每天都在毆打他，剝奪他的食物或醫療保健等，但您似乎並沒有感到，因此您不必強迫自己去做某事。這聽起來像是問題在於您感到父親在放鬆。您可能會說些什麼，但父親更可能會感到冒犯您，因為您批評他作為父親的行為，而不是讓他開放然後再改變。這可能不會改變他的所作所為，但您隨後會被岳父卡住，生你的氣。

如果您的妻子也對此提出異議，她可以自由告訴她父親她喜歡的一切。他會原諒她，因為那裡有愛，&有一種聯繫。我仍然認為現在不是時候說這句話，因為您需要得到他的支持，直到您獲得自己的位置&，一次您不應該批評某人，而那個人實際上正在幫助您。首先，這看起來會更糟，因為他會認為您忘恩負義，並且如果他生氣/受傷足夠，它將使您失去所需的幫助，或者在您繼續生活在那裡時感到緊張。這三件事都不是好結果。

讓岳父一個人呆著。與他談論這些事情不是您的事，您會入侵他的空間，並且很可能從中獲得任何好處。

如果您的問題是出於對姐夫的關注而引起的，那就對他做個好brother子吧。與他成為朋友，和他一起出去（也許和你妻子在一起，也許不與他在一起），在他周圍開心，和他一起看電影-這些只是建議，你會最清楚自己能做什麼。

最終，當您與姐夫建立工作關係時，您可以嘗試影響他。您顯然可以不責罵他或對他進行攻擊，但是您可以成為“老大哥”人物，以身作則。要非常小心，這是來自對他有實際幫助的地方，您的目標不是以某種方式抵消他父親的所作所為。

您可能不知道所有這些都是有充分原因的的。父親可能是一個非常貼心，樂於助人的人，而您卻沒有註意到它。對於父母來說，這個年齡段可能非常複雜。過去的幾年裡，如果您不住在他們的房子裡，您就無法真正知道。

這真的不關你的事，作為成年客人住在他的房子裡，我認為他是免租金的，他從未有過任何育兒經歷，我認為你的岳父即使他的做法有缺陷，會正確地認為這樣的“建議”是冒昧的。

我認為最重要的是問問自己-您和成年後的妻子會很快生活在自己的家庭中嗎？您岳父即將成年的家庭是否會受到岳父在單獨的家庭中對成年男孩的管教方式的影響？我認為答案將是“否”，否則，如果有影響，那是因為您選擇以某種方式參與其中。如果您的姐夫最終出於某種原因而進入家庭，那麼您可以根據自己的意願制定法律，以“這樣做還是離開”為基礎。

在任何情況下，如果您不同意一些令人煩惱的事情，則必須選擇自己的戰鬥以及是否值得進行戰鬥。在這種情況下，除了您不同意它並讓您煩惱之外，它對您沒有影響，您沒有權柄，因此看來絕對沒有理由將自己插入其中。

要考慮的另一件事是，這個人養育了一個足夠好的女兒，以至於您決定終生獻身於她。我想有些事情一定已經發生了。也許他確實對養育孩子有所了解。

作為恢復中的吉米，請不要放過這張幻燈片。如果他是一個較大的青少年，他當然可以做出選擇，但是他認為模仿的行為會影響他所做的選擇。我不知道您所處情況的具體情況，但是將來，如果您已對某些行為進行了建模，那麼吉米可能會對此表示讚賞。

我不確定是否要與FIL交談是正確的答案。他可能會得罪，但也可能使他思考自己的養育方式。

You ask two questions, I'll answer the second first.

Should I just let it pass?

Yes. What you describe could be considered lax discipline, but it's unlikely to be considered abuse or neglect. As an outsider recently married into the family you really should get a lot more experience with the family dynamics, relationships, and personalities before extending advice on those things - and even then you shouldn't do so unless you have a really strong relationship with the person you are offering advice to - and even then you should probably hold off on advice unless asked for it, or unless the situation becomes desperate.

So let it pass.

How would I tell my Father-In-Law that he's being too lenient in disciplining my brother-in-law?

If you must do so, and again I strongly advise against it, then I'd approach it from a very humble angle, and I'd avoid tattle-telling. Keep in mind that he raised your wife, and you married her, so your work ethic appears to be compatible. It's reasonable to assume that he raised her similarly to his younger son, and that differences are due to 1) changing circumstances and 2) learning the hard way with older children that certain tactics were less effective.

So the way he's raising the younger son is strongly influenced by the successes and failures he feels he's had raising his older children.

Coming right out and saying, "I think you're doing something wrong" is not going to be effective, and has a very strong possibility of being offensive.

It's really not a good way to strengthen your relationship with your father in law, and that should really be your first priority.

Still, if you must interfere with their relationship and his parenting style, consider starting off the discussion with something similar to:

I appreciate living in your home while you are still raising younger children, it's given me a perspective on parenting I wouldn't otherwise gain, and is particularly interesting since my parents had a slightly different style to yours, so it's really opened my eyes.

What can you tell me about parenting?

Then continue to ask questions. Maybe ask what they've changed over the years, how their children were different and what techniques worked for one that didn't work for the others, what they would do differently if they had to do it over again.

In other words, seek first to understand, and through your discussion you may find chances and opportunities to question why they are lax - but again you don't want to be the one sharing instances of bad behavior. That's not your place, and honestly it makes you sound more like a jealous or petulant child than an adult.

You have an opportunity to learn and strengthen your relationship with your father in law, I suggest you focus on that first, because starting off on the wrong foot will cause you nothing but problems later on in life, and when you have your own children he may still feel offended that you dared question his parenting, and your own parenting style will simply reopen that wound.

So, again, I'd suggest letting it pass, but if you must talk about it 1) don't tattle tell and 2) don't be critical, but instead use it as a way for you to gain understanding.

我不同意那些與您無關的人的意見。您，您自己，現在是這個年輕人的老年男性親戚-不是父親，而是哥哥，甚至可能是榜樣。不要批評你的岳父，而是要成為您認為姐夫應該重視的美德的榜樣。讓他看到您正在努力工作，完成困難的事情等。您有一所新房子，對不對？因此，也許邀請您的姐夫來幫助您進行各種裝修和修理。如果他按時出現並堅持工作直到完成，請用他的男子氣概（或金錢）獎勵他。讓他意識到，當他遲鈍而不受紀律時，他會失去您的尊重。他們故意叛逆自己的父親。

除非您不重視與姻親的關係，否則請不要著急。

首先，您的年齡可能比岳父小得多，其次，再嫁給他的女兒。在他的眼中，你是個孩子，因為那是他的參照系。

如果一個10歲的孩子來找你，短軟管，膝蓋染草，鮮綠色的T恤和咀嚼物，你會如何應對？口香糖，並說他觀察了您與妻子交談的方式，並給了妻子太多自由，您應該對妻子進行更多的管教，告訴她不要沒有您就不要外出，並且在沒有您的同意的情況下也不要購買任何東西，這樣她就會成為更好的妻子，並且與您的婚姻更加成功。

想像一下。讓它沉浸在那種讓您感覺如何以及對這個孩子的反應方式上。您會感覺到的確切反應將比您岳父的反應更有可能。

其次，他是18歲的岳父。在世界上大部分地區，您幾乎已經是那個年齡的成年人，並且會做他自己想做的所有事情，沒有人能阻止他。有些人會依靠父母的建議，有些人會不肯接受父母的建議或對所提供的任何建議進行激烈的爭論。

這是s子的生活。不是您的生活。

此外，您只有在知道他們將近18年的戀愛關係中的所有來龍去脈時，才可以講話。您是否參與了他們的所有對話？你知道這個孩子被欺負了多少嗎？您知道他擅長或遇到哪些問題嗎？你知道他是否有焦慮嗎？您知道他所有觸發他脾氣的誘因嗎？你知道他什麼時候無聊嗎？您知道他的志向是什麼，他的熱情和他的turn舍嗎？

父母通常比您作為局外人擁有更多的信息，並且擁有更好的裝備來應付自己孩子的氣質，保持家庭安寧，生活適度無壓力。

tl; dr 您是局外人。你還不夠了解。保持警惕，以免嚴重破壞與岳父和岳父的關係。

I am in this same situation and I did humbly talk to the father-in-law after one incident. My father-in-law did listen, and even agreed, but nothing became of it. It's too hard to change how people parent. They still continue to baby him. This "kid" is 35 years old but otherwise he fits your description exactly...and still lives at home.

Luckily I have an excellent relationship with my father-in-law as a "second son" so no blowback. I would agree, you need to leave it alone, but I second the suggestion of acting as a "big brother".

First, never should any suggestion of this type come from the son-in-law. Your wife will be granted liberties to say things you will not. If you say something, your wife's family will feel like you have crossed a boundary and it may irrevocably damage your relationship. If you and your wife agree that something must be said, it is she who needs to do the saying.

Second, while I agree with your diagnosis, imagine yourself in a few years. You're raising your child according to your beliefs, and your in-laws step in and say you're doing it wrong. How would you feel and react? If you say something now, you are inviting them to intrude into how you raise your children.

Third, your course of action is to act as a role model and mentor to Jimmy. Reach out to him. Do things with him. You may be able to exert a much greater influence over his life this way than his own father's actions.

Lastly, bad parenting is a bad habit much like smoking or overeating. Even if a person is highly motivated and truly desires to change, changing ingrained patterns of behavior are extremely difficult! So, even if you would convince your father-in-law to change, there is a high likelihood he would fall into the old, easy patterns of behavior in a matter of days or weeks.