題:
如何幫助9歲的男孩學會應對遊戲/運動中的失敗?
Wes
2016-05-28 23:09:26 UTC
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我們9歲的兒子在比賽中輸球後確實可以彈道,包括憤怒的眼淚,稱呼家人撒謊和/或作弊等等。據我們所知,他並沒有真正與家人(父母和11歲的妹妹)和他的朋友做這件事,但是我們擔心他是否會像對待朋友一樣遭受損失甚至比他少他和我們在一起,他不會讓這些朋友久留。他的反應已經使很多有趣的家庭聚會變成了我們所有人都非常恐怖的經歷,並且我們對參加比賽持謹慎態度。他贏了。

我們是否可以期望他達到一個年齡或發展上的里程碑,這將使這一情況大為改善,還是我們應該嘗試一些事情?我和我的妻子都覺得我們彷彿在慷慨地浪費了很多時間,而我們倆都沒有競爭力,無法給孩子增加家庭遊戲時間的壓力。

好問題。不幸的是,尚無任何答案可以解決如何應對失敗。我還沒有嘗試過,所以我只是在這裡留個評論,但是詢問您的男孩在比賽中途是否開心(可能是“是”)並提醒他可能會很有建設性在那個時候要成為一個好的失敗者。
這是成長的一部分。如果您始終保持冷靜,他將向您學習。他有沒有從周圍的人那裡學到這種行為?還是從電視上看?與他討論“當他輸掉比賽時,你認為x對y很好嗎?”我知道即使50歲也無法承受損失的成年人!
讓他在其中有兩支球隊的中途交換球隊。因此,這意味著他同時輸了贏。最終,社會期望會阻止他這樣做。
您稱讚結果而不是努力在日常生活中很常見。花幾分鍾思考一下您與他的所有互動,在這裡您稱讚他所做的*,*而不是為此付出的努力。嘗試將重點從獲勝轉移到流程上。
五 答案:
Hilmar
2016-05-29 19:08:49 UTC
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“贏家清理”對我們來說是一個出乎意料的有效規則。誰贏了,都需要扔掉紙牌,棋盤,球等。這給輸家帶來了一些刺激,並真正減少了幸災樂禍。建立一條實際上會給獲勝帶來不利影響的規則可以幫助建立一個更加平衡的觀點。在那個年齡段,孩子們主要應該玩遊戲和運動來獲得樂趣和學習,而不是為了贏。在以後的生活中將會有更多的東西。

在有些遊戲中,沒有贏家,或者您是全家人與非人一起玩的遊戲。我們有一個《指環王》棋盤遊戲,這種方式運行得很好。

在午夜專賣會議期間,我們已經把這條規則擺在一邊。人們開始對實際遊戲失去興趣,並開始嘗試輸掉遊戲以避免清理。這取決於您願意在多大程度上實現這一目標。
@Carcigenicate到底是一個錯誤,還是您只是發現了一種玩壟斷的新方法?
@Carcigenicate等一下,我很困惑...您說的是,從某種程度上開始,玩家開始對壟斷感興趣!! :P
MakorDal
2016-05-30 08:47:21 UTC
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嘗試找到合作遊戲(例如紅色十月,故宮)或純粹的隨機遊戲。

在第一種情況下,每個人都在一起輸贏。
在第二種情況下,贏或輸純粹是隨機的,更容易接受。您可能需要事先解釋遊戲的工作原理,以消除針對其他玩家的怒氣,並告訴您的孩子因為運氣而生氣是毫無意義的。

然後您可以嘗試角色扮演遊戲。幾個編輯人員正在為您孩子的年齡編寫遊戲。我已經讀過庫克(Monte Cook)的《不,謝謝,邪惡!》,已有5個以上,真是太好了。 rpg和棋盤遊戲(paizo探路者紙牌遊戲,幻想飛行遊戲的Descent)之間也存在妥協,它們可以很好地發揮作用。

我忘記了另一種類型的遊戲。有一個名為“銀河爭霸賽”的遊戲,玩家在一個玩家與另一個玩家之間進行競爭,但是卻很少互動:他們無法真正做任何事情來“攻擊”其他玩家,每個人都在建立自己的帝國。在某些策略中,您可以受益或稍微阻礙其他玩家,但前提是他們要嘗試從自己的選擇中受益。

即使是成年人,也很難看出什麼時候最有機會玩遊戲,即使他們願意,我也不認為它可以幫助他們減少輸球的麻煩。
@hkBst它很有幫助,因為您不會因為其他玩家變得更聰明而不是因為運氣不好而放鬆。當發生這種情況時,更容易轉移怒氣。憤怒更沒有意義。當然,您可能必須解釋遊戲是偶然的。當然,您仍然有工作要做,目標是幫助您解決問題,而不是為您解決。至於成年人看不到...這不是重點。
以下是一些適合大齡兒童和成年人的棋盤遊戲:禁忌島,禁忌沙漠,寒冬之死,氾濫和背叛在山上的房子裡(顧名思義,一個玩家最終會背叛其餘的玩家,但是是直到比賽結束才隨機決定的。在那之前是完全合作的。)
我發現年幼的孩子並沒有真正“明白”基於技能的遊戲和基於運氣的遊戲之間的區別。對他們來說,純粹靠運氣輸球與在技巧遊戲中輸球一樣糟糕,因為他們不理解這樣的想法,即他們的行為在以後並不重要,而只是理解他們“失敗”了。當chlid變老的那一刻,他們意識到運氣遊戲並不關乎技巧,出於同樣的原因,他們通常也會對玩遊戲失去興趣。因此,很少有時間他們會足夠玩運氣遊戲,但又不足以因疏忽而煩惱。
@dsollen您的意見。我知道教育專業人員每天都使用簡單的紙牌遊戲(我不知道英文名字)來教孩子公平遊戲,因此我的職位必須具有一定的價值。
-1
@MakorDal哦,您可以通過紙牌遊戲教公平遊戲,我敢肯定!但是,我認為事實並非以運氣為基礎,而是讓孩子們玩起來更容易。關鍵是要有*任何*種簡單的快速遊戲,讓孩子們玩耍並學習處理輸贏。我認為遊戲並不是運氣或基於技能的事情。而且在9歲時,她的兒子可能已經超出了他喜歡玩純粹的運氣遊戲的地步,因為他會意識到勝利/失敗的意義。
vikingsteve
2016-09-14 16:27:30 UTC
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我們遇到過類似的情況,我們的一個孩子在無法贏得新運動或新遊戲時反應很差。

這又很複雜,因為她一直很擅長完成事情,因此“不贏”(或“輸”)是一種新的經歷,她的反應很差。

我們談論的是每個人都在玩耍以獲得樂趣,有時你必須輸掉,讓我們嘗試成為良好的運動等等。它無法立即生效,因此我們不得不堅持並嘗試不同的事情。

Hilmar建議玩“團隊”遊戲(沒有贏家或輸家),所以我可以建議一種類似的方法,但是完全

嘗試一些其他有趣的活動一段時間……在森林裡徒步旅行,爬山,在湖里游泳。如果可能,給他們一些一對一的時間。並且一定要鼓勵他們感覺參加一項活動(期間和之後)有多麼有趣,而無需任何人輸贏。

諸如“您還記得我們提高了一個項目嗎?上週上山了嗎?可以朝著正確的方向前進。

過一會兒,逐步重新引入團隊遊戲/運動/活動。

learner_01
2017-08-17 16:56:10 UTC
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A strategy we implemented in our classroom was to set same outcome for the winner and loser, to initially regulate the overly emotional kids, like after the game was over, the winner and loser both had to put back the balls or cleanup, sometimes we all got involved in cleaning up immediately.

Also avoid more competitive games for the time being as he might feel he is at disadvantage playing with the adults as you mentioned that he is not behaving this way with his friends, or try to let him choose the game to play.

dsollen
2017-08-18 18:59:19 UTC
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There are many things you can do to lighten the pain of loosing, as already mentioned, and they should be considered; I particularly like the 'looser clean up' rule. I'll go into some other things that can be done to lessen the depression of losing later, but first let's address the biggest two obvious details.

The truth is the best way to teach a kid to loose graciously is for them to loose, and be forced to be gracious about it. Like many things they simply have to be taught through their, and your, actions. As he looses at games, and sees it's not the end of the world, he will learn that the lose wasn't that important to his life. Eventually he will grow a sense of perspective where he realizes rather he wins or looses a game is not that important a factor in his life and just not worth getting as emotionally invested in. As such one of the biggest things you can do is simply give him oppertunities to lose at low cost and learn that it's okay.

Part of making loosing okay is teaching that your family does not tolerate bad sportmanship, from anyone. If he calls someone liars or rages against people when he loses this is not acceptable and that should be made clear. Anything this extreme likely will require a timeout or other discplinary actions, because he isn't behaving in an acceptable manner and that is not allowed no matter how he feels. This is important to curb the bad sportsmanship itself, but it's also important for teaching him that loosing is okay, as odd as that may seem. Studies have shown that going into rage or sulking about something that upset you only encourages one to keep brooding on the activity and makes them feel worse. If he is allowed to rage when he loses all that raging will make him more upset and encourage further raging later, it's a sort of downward spiral. It's a downward spiral, and as such best to curb as soon as possible before it gets worse, once he stops raging he can then focus on learning bettter methods for coping with a lose.

Of course if he get's discplined it needs to be made clear that it's due to the bad attitude, and not the lose itself.

As to ways to lessen the blow, I actually second cooperative games. he is young, but I have played pandemic with my niece at that age and she could manage the game (though she is both smart and has both a higher interest in, and experience with, more complex board games then most 9 year olds so she may not be a good baseline). Forbiden island (and related games) are a much easier coop game that I think the average 9 year old can manage and enjoy so it could be a good option.

Another option is to stick to short games, especially games played multuple times. If the game is short he wont be as emotionally invested in it by th end, so a lose won't feel as hard. If you play many in a sitting he also will be focused on the future rounds instead of the current ones so loosing one round doesn't feel as bad. Playing games with 'best 2 out of 3' mechanics for instance lowers the pain of the first lose as an example. Playing a card game where multuple hands are played likewise can show that loosing a hand is not the end of the world. But best case is lots of quick games without a set condition to stop, your going to keep doing fast rounds until you get bored and no round really matters much so no one needs to worry about them. Fluxx comes to mind as a game that tends to be fast and allow many rounds to be played in a row, it's a favorite of my mother and I, but there are countless microgames you could pick.

Silly games, where the focus is enjoying the act of playing and winner doesn't matter much, are also a good example of games where he doesn't have to feel as bad about loosing. Many Party games can fit into this catagory, though which games your family approaches with the right degree of 'silly' depends on your family. For examples I have seen people play Apples to Apples both completley seriously and in a hilariously over the top manner, so it could be a great, or bad, game depending on how your family approaches it (though addmittedly the ones that play games for humor often seem to end up more PG-13 in nature). Taboo is another game that can be quite fun to play by itself regardless of who wins. Story creation games, like 'Once Upon a Time' or 'Roys Story Cubes' are also games that can be fun for families and where who actually wins doesn't usually matter; plus they encourage creativity which is a plus in itself.

I'll stop recommending specific games here, but there is a whole stack exchange site for gaming where you can get suggestions for 9 year old appropriate games that fit any of the above catagories I listed if you don't like the specific ones I mentioned.

Another option is to help to give him something to be proud of even in lose. Give him compliments when he does something well, show him when he made an intellegent play, and generally allow him to walk away feeling good about part of his game even if he didn't win. However, Do not give false compliments. A generic "you did good" every time he looses doesn't mean anything, it's an empty platitude and he will know it. Look for oppertunities to give legitimant earned praise and when that happens offer it freely, but make sure he can see the praise is earned so he actually has reason to feel good about it. Focusing on the positive even in a lose is always important!

And of course demonstrating good sportsmanship is important as well. Show him that you and the rest of your family can be graceful in losses and compliment him on a game well played. Praise him when he is a gracious looser and tell him that your proud of him for being mature. Demonstrate the sort of behaviours you want him to emulate, and punish anyone who shows particularly bad behaviors, and he will learn the right way to behave. In the end all the other suggestions to make loosing easier are nice things to do, but simply demonstrating the right and wrong way he is suppose to act on a lose and holding him to those expectations is by far the most important part of molding his behavior. Everything else recommended is just to make the lesson a little less harsh to learn; a spoon full of sugar to make the medicine go down if I remember my Mary Poppins correctly ;)



該問答將自動從英語翻譯而來。原始內容可在stackexchange上找到,我們感謝它分發的cc by-sa 3.0許可。
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