從您的“傑里米·凱爾（Jeremy Kyle）表演”參考文獻以及某些短語的使用來看，我認為您在英國，就法律問題而言，這對正確答案有一定影響。

法律解答

我不是律師，而且我也不住在英國，所以請帶一點鹽。

您提到，社交網站一直在“讓我接受DNA測試，因為他需要出生證明上的名字”。英國政府試圖通過一項法律，要求在出生證明上註明父親的名字，但根據這篇文章，他們似乎放棄了上述嘗試。關於英國父親和出生證明/法律要求的其他信息很少，但這只是Google的常規搜索。

但是，在“社交”上可能會受到一些壓力，要求您簽署，尤其是因為英國政府正努力爭取讓父親的名字出生證書。我想，考慮到可能沒有法律要求您立即做任何事情，您可能什麼也做不了，問題就會消失（暫時，並假設領養需要地方），但我對英國官僚主義的方式並不熟悉。在沒有代表的情況下與社交交流可能會給您個人帶來非常糟糕的事情。正如其他人在這裡回答的那樣，如果您不想要孩子，請找律師，如果您想要孩子，請找律師。

買不起律師嗎？

可以。 與負擔不起律師相比，您能負擔得起的方式更多。弄清楚。告訴你的家人，然後拿錢買得起。借。潘漢德爾。找律師。

如果您拒絕接受此建議，請什麼都不做，然後看看會發生什麼。而且我什麼也不做，是指在“社交”通話時不要接電話。

道德回答

在這種情況下我一直在這裡（22歲而不是21歲），我的第一個念頭是給孩子的。

現在他12歲了，我們有很好的關係我無法想像沒有他的生活。我和母親在一起的時間太長了（不要與母親重新建立關係），而且到處都是不健康的。但是我和兒子的關係呢？無價。

為什麼這種關係發展得如此好？

我的第一個念頭是給孩子的。

看到你提出這個問題時無需擔心或擔心您的孩子在沒有親生父母的情況下可能出世，我認為您相信如果放棄收養他會得到照顧，而您不會擔心他的幸福。對於許多人來說，這可能是相對自然的。如果您的第一個想法是自己的，那就去吧。

家庭回答

昨晚我只是想告訴媽媽，這種確切的情況是最困難，最尷尬的事情。我經歷過從那以後，我經歷了艱苦而令人尷尬的事情，而且大多數都沒有達到目標。它使我變得更堅強，我不認為我的母親會失去我太多的尊重，因為父母平均對8149尿布的更換在使嬰兒通過便盆訓練所需的大部分時間裡，父母對孩子的尊重已逐漸消失。

最終思想

“我覺得自己好像會成為一個孤獨，窮困，精疲力竭的人，每天都在生活，沒有真正的目的，沒有朋友。”

這是前3-6個月的單親生活。與沒有目標或沒有朋友的情況下精疲力盡和壓力過大相比，您可以使它更長久。對您來說值得嗎？您認為親愛的父母有哪些價值觀？您能否經歷一生，想知道本來可以但很高興擺脫責任呢？很多人都可以，那很好，那就是生活，那是人類。但最後，您是必須回答這個問題的人。

兄弟，不要害怕。這個孩子多大了？我在猜寶貝。我的真正建議（每個人在律師方面都是正確的，但這不是我的回答的一部分，因為他們已經說過了。我將談論個人的情感方面。）是忘記媽媽的角色。以及您處理該問題時她現在是誰。拋開這些，想想自己當父親的個人感覺，以及你的生活與眾不同。

那叫未知，我也很害怕。

你會贏的不會與這個孩子一個人在一起，您不會痛苦，絕對不會失敗。對於這種突然的消息，您的感覺很正常。當我發現自己正在路上生小孩時，我迷失了方向。我的生活已經結束。不以為恥，我是一個世界級的嘶啞人。有兩個星期，我到處大喊大叫，跌倒在地，把拳頭扔向空中，踢樹，搖晃，害怕。我現在雖然笑了，但是那真的很嚴重。

我睡在沙發上，買了價值50美元的妊娠試驗，並一直像“請再試驗一次”。我向所有人，完全陌生的人徵求意見，發現很難相信他們剛剛被逗樂時說我會做得很好。令我感到困惑的是他們這麼輕視它，我以為他們甚至都不知道。我從不想要孩子；我喜歡它們很好，但是在我們的餘生中並沒有永久地呆在我身邊。

最終，我不得不冷靜下來，接受現實。日子很艱難，我在同一時間在學校裡，而且大多數時候我還是一個人照顧嬰兒（她在那裡，但她必須像輪班13個小時一樣工作，所以這幾乎就是我，家庭作業和一個嬰兒很長一段時間。我在學校裡打零工，改到清晨，這樣我可以準時回家讓媽媽去上班，然後一直陪伴孩子，直到凌晨1點。父母，沒有家人的支持，只有我和嬰兒）。

男人，我和那個嬰兒在膝上玩了很多電子遊戲，讀了很多故事，並且在Black Ops 2（當時是最大的CoD）上表現不錯，因為她喜歡出於某種原因（聲音）殺死刀子不好，但她還很年輕，只看過閃亮的東西。當她開始更加了解周圍的環境時，我停了下來，並在周圍玩了其他遊戲。此外，自從我在學校讀書以來，她就想翻閱書本，看看我有空了。她喜歡讀到這一天。）

重點是：不要害怕生活變得可怕。與一個意想不到的孩子打交道比我想像的要容易得多，儘管我確實需要調整。再加上你的父母支持你，他們不會讓你搞砸的。當您應付和調整自己說的話時，他們會讓您有一些自由。您甚至可能會發現自己很嫉妒，就像嘿媽媽讓我和孩子一起放鬆一分鐘，我們將搖滾這個剛問世的遊戲。 （順便說一句，《天際》在她出生大約一年後就掉下來了，我試圖帶她去大片發布會，但當時天氣陰冷多雨。儘管如此，她還是很享受；嬰兒實際上很有趣。他們會閒逛

我現在有一秒鐘，他是2歲，她是5歲，他們每天都把我推上牆，但是我在一個更好的地方。我覺得我現在確實有真正的目的（那個孩子會像您從未認識的其他人一樣忠於您；您在他們的眼中不能做錯事），我們大家都喜歡視頻遊戲，書籍，卡通，漫畫...並且我完全以它們為藉口來獲得更多遊戲；）或擺脫我真的不想去的東西。 “什麼東西什麼時候到哪裡去？誰會在那裡？....嗯，我不能，是的，孩子，所有人...”

人們可能會討厭所有這些，但是我是一個只讀了兩個孩子兩個睡前故事的孩子，把他們兩個都塞進去，說晚安，上電腦玩一些遊戲，看了你的帖子，不得不回應。這是陳詞濫調，但事實是，當我回頭回想自己放棄我的第一個孩子會是什麼樣子，如果我決定不做父親會是怎樣的改變……那時候我的胃開始轉彎，當我發現自己要當父親的時候，我也感到類似的恐懼。我無法將她想像在沒有我的情況下，在別人的手中。其餘的人說的是確保您理解後果是100％正確的，您將一直在思考“ ...我想知道...”

祝您好運！

I'm assuming you're in the UK, based on the language in your post.

There are two things you need to deal with here:

1. Legal responsibilities

If you agree to have your name on the child's birth certificate, you will have parental responsibility as his father, regardless of whether he is biologically your child or not. Do not do this unless you are prepared to accept that responsibility. More information on parental responsibility in the UK is here.

I do not know if a positive DNA test would require you to register as the child's father. I strongly advise consulting a solicitor who specialises in family law. It may not be cheap, but it could save you a lot more stress and expense in the future. It might be possible to get legal aid or free legal advice; ask at your local Citizen's Advice Bureau.

The father's name is not required to be on a birth certificate at all. It is a legal requirement to register within 42 days of birth, but this can be done with the mother's name only.

If your name isn't on the birth certificate, that may not be the end of your involvement. The mother, or possibly the local authority, could attempt to get a parental responsibility order from a court. This is another reason to consult a solicitor. In this situation, social services are trying to act in the best interests of the child. That's only right, but you need to consider your needs as well and get independent advice.

2. Social and emotional fallout

Becoming a parent is hard for anyone; even more so if you are relatively young, have no good relationship with the other parent, and are not even sure if the child is biologically yours. From the sound of your post you are a responsible guy and handling this well, but no one should be expected to go through it alone.

Telling your parents is probably a good idea. If you live with them, they've very likely noticed something is up. If my son came to me with a problem like this, I'd do everything I could to help him through it, because I love him no matter what.

If you do decide to act as this child's parent: It's a great responsibility, but also more fun and satisfying than you can imagine. There are also reasons for you to walk away, especially if you are not the biological father. Only you can make the decision.

Regardless, it's more than okay to be afraid, stressed and worried. If you didn't feel this way, there would be something badly wrong with you. Please get advice from someone you can trust: If not a parent than another family member, older friend, or professional counsellor. Take care of yourself, and good luck.

Whatever you do, from the voice of experience, if the mother has shown to not be trustworthy, do not restart any relationship with the mother of the child; women often use the child to keep the father around in the 1st or even 2nd year of a child, under the guise of building a family, even if not interested in a long term relationship. (it is usually a waste of time)

Furthermore, often those relationships also have often the focus of eroding the position of the image of the father as a viable independent parent for the child, while building a more stronger case for an unfit mother. Frequently those relationships also have a focus as preventing the father from building a family with another woman, to prevent him showing he can provide for a more stable home.

More often than not they are self-desctructive, causing a further separation of both parents for decades to come. (I know several people with similar stories unfortunately).

Focus on the needs of the child, and honestly, forget the mother. Women may come and go, a son is forever.

As for being a father, while it does seem problematic right now, it can be quite traumatic losing a child. You might get second thoughts later on, or years later after giving up on a son.

On top of that, having a child early on life also means you will be relieved of that responsibility early on life, with the added benefit of having your parents around to help.

I would think about making the DNA test and possibly keeping the kid if the mother does not want him.

If somewhat the mother does want him, regulate visits on a court of law or try to get custody. When in joint custody, the first couple of years can be rough, for a single man, however it is so much easier with the backing of grand parents, hence the importance of getting them involved.

Nevertheless, they grow up very fast, and the situation improves quickly.

Talk both with a lawyer and with your parents.

Getting into anedoctal terroritory, women can be pretty much psyco into this territory - my ex after getting an unfavourable court order, made peace with me, and I suspect to just to start recording events with us. Otherwise it would not make much sense she afterwards often acting crazy like saying falsehoods, pretending dangerous things were happening for that to be taped, and inclusing locking herself in the loo pretending she was killing herself for recording me kicking down the door. She was pretty anoyed when I called my parents over in the middle of the night, and told them she tried to killed herself as basically there were witnesses. (wish was making this up, I even saw a small k7 tape at the time at her home, but naively thought she was recording uni lessons)

首先，我認為您需要進行DNA測試才能準確地知道自己的位置。

如果您發現孩子是您的孩子（如其他答復中所述），那麼您在腦海中的猜測就會結束。

我保證您會接受這種情況，並且最終你會喜歡上一個父親。我了解到的一件事是，就您的年齡而言，您永遠不會覺得自己足夠老，或者不夠成熟，無法成為父母，但是當它發生時就可以了。

您可能不會這樣認為，但是成為父親是一件很棒的事。

I know it is easier said than done, but no sense stressing over unknowns. Just do the DNA test. If you are in the USA you could be court ordered, I do not know what they do elsewhere (and since you say "mum" I am sure you are likely not in the USA). I still suspect they could court order it. My point is, if you just go and do it, then you will know and then you sort out what to do. Anything you are doing now may all be in vain & living in unneeded stress since the test could well rule you out.

Now as to what to do if it comes back as your child. That is something you can only determine once you know. Right now, the way you feel may well change if there is a certainty to it. If your child is right now in foster then you need to do something about that. It is no way for a child to grow up. If your child is to be placed for adoption, best that it happens as early as possible, versus waiting on a father to sign off. If that child is to come live with you, again, better to be sooner than later. There is really no sense at all stalling on a test as all it serves to do is stall this child's life & that child is getting older every day without any answers.

I fully understand you are young. I get that. I also understand that this child is far younger & if in fact it is your child, they deserve respect in the way you conduct yourself. You don't get do-overs, so make sure that what you is something you can live with. This child may not be your own, but you can still care enough to get the test done & then at least put it to rest. Even that alone shows respect to the child dangling in the balance here.

And in the meantime you can contact an attorney. Here you can get free legal advice through something called "legal aid". I am not sure what they have where you live, but you can contact your local courts & ask to see if they have something like it.

上面有一些很好的答案，尤其是NOP的答案，但是有一件事他們沒有詳細提及，那就是您作為男人的責任和義務。不是一個男孩，而是一個男人，提供和保護自己的孩子是男人的責任和責任。即使您不打算當父親，即使您被欺騙或是由於避孕失敗導致的，也不會改變這種情況的基本現實-有一個需要照顧的小人，提供它是您的工作。我希望您自己的父親-接受了他的責任-對您說的也一樣。我建議您花3 1/2分鐘觀看此視頻，他可以告訴您真相比我能說的要雄辯得多。

首先，進行DNA測試。

如果孩子確實是你的，那麼對我的道德回答很明確：你對孩子負責50％。它可能是通過避孕套破裂而發生的事實是無關緊要的：您的精子，您的責任。丟下你的名字作為父親，並開始為人父母的工作。很多年輕人（還有很多年輕女子）對此進行管理。

As a foster parent going through the last steps of licensing, let me give you my perspective. First let me say that I am in the US and it seems you are in the UK.

Legally

I know this sucks a little, but it may be worth it to get the DNA test. This is a tricky situation, and the laws in the UK are probably different then in the US in this regard, but there are a few very important things to know.

You have no parental rights until you can prove your the parent. That means that you can't "take" the child, not can you "give" the child for adoption. You can't "fight" the mother because she is unfit. If you don't take the test and get parental rights you have no say, what so ever, in what happens next.

At the same time parental rights come with parental responsibilities. You may have to pay child support, you may have to pay bills of some kind, you may be pressured into taking care of a child you don't want. This is important. And should be considered.

Morals

A lot of people will tell you that if you did the deed, you should pay the price and settle to take care of the kid. I'm not one of those people. I think your should be a parent. But being a parent means doing what is best for the child. Right now your question is very selfish and self-centered. Your worried about your ruined life and reputation and not the life and well being of a tiny little baby.

But back to what that actually means. If you find out your the parent, there are a ton of options. You could raise the kid your self, but if you don't feel like that is the best option then you can put the child up for adoption. You can place the child in foster care, where (at least around here) foster parents are thought to "co-parent" which means that you would still be able to be a part of your child's life, even if your not a good care giver now.

The point is that morally you need to suck it up, and be a parent. You need to put that child's needs first. Even if that means that you have to have arguments with your parents about how you don't think you can take care of the child, and want to give it up for adoption.

Options

So if you take the test, and you are the parent, there are some options. You need local resources to help with this. Different options are available in different areas. I can tell you what is available here. You will need to check on what is available there.

• Adoption - This is not the love story that everyone says it is. First if you don't get legal responsibility as a father, then the courts can not terminate parental rights. Which means that the child will be harder for someone to adopt. They will need to go though a longer process where the child is placed in foster care, then a search is done for relatives, then after a few years the court may terminate rights, allowing the child to be placed for adoption. However at this point the child is 3-4 years old, and it's much harder, the older a child gets, for them to be adopted. If you do have parental rights you can voluntarily give them up, thus reducing the court and legal time to just a few days (if mom gives up her rights to).
• Foster Care - Honestly this one gets a bad rap for many reasons, but the truth is that foster care is wonderful and may be just what you need. (again this may be very area dependent) We have a lot of children in foster care that are in your exact situation. The parents are too young, or not ready. So Foster parents step in and agree to be the parents for a few years. Then when your ready, you can take over being the parent if you want, or give up your rights, if you want. Many children in care are there for just that reason. We, as foster parents, are tought to "co-parent" which, on the surface, means that your child will have two mom's and two dads that love them. It makes for some sticky social interactions, but it's worth it in the end. You don't have to be "Dad" in the common sense. But you still get to be part of that child's life.
• Relative Placement - This is where your parents say, "no we will take care of the baby". Your parental rights are lessened, and they are turned over to the grandparents. "Your off the hook" in the same way as if you got a divorce. You will probably have to pay child support, but your child gets to stay "in the family".

A note on foster care

I can't stress enough that this is location dependent so see what's around you. But foster care is not like it was historically. There is a strong emphasis placed on Permanency and Normality. Permanency meaning that the child is not moved around, that they stay with one family. Normality meaning that the child is treated like a normal kid and not a special kid. Most kids in foster care do need some extra help with trauma, because of what brought them into care, but other then that they are treated just like normal kids.

Co-parenting is a big part of foster care here. They want foster parents to include bio-parents in as much as they can. Frequent visits, doctor appointments, staying the weekend at the bio-parents house, school appointments, vacations, etc. While the bio-parents can just vanish, they are strongly encouraged to participate. It's even a legal requirement to get their kids back.

It's much more like the child gets an extra set of parents then anything else. Yes as foster parents we are the "parents" but as the bio-parent you are the "Parent". It can make for some interesting interactions, but at the core, every one of those interactions is focused on what is best for the child. Do not rule this option out if it is available to you.

A note on adoption

Adoption is not the rosy story that every puts out there. It's still an option and you should consider it. There are some things though that your should keep in mind.

• Many adoptions fail. Usually because the adopting family has unrealistic expectations. At least around here the failure rate is around 55%. Mostly because the adoption families thinks they are shopping and can return the "goods" when there's a little something wrong. It's sad, but it happens quite a lot. That's not to say that there are not great adoptive families, because there are, but there are also families that "return" the baby after the third night of all night crying instead of trying to work through it.
• With out a clean TPR (termination of parental rights) adoptions are damn hard. No one wants to invest years into an adoption only to have it fall apart at the last moment because some sister of one of the maybe dads demands a halt until pertinent can be established, and if she turns out to be the aunt then she want's custody. If you want to give the child up for adoption then take the test, so you can create the best chance for that child to be adopted.
• A lot of adoptions fail because the homes (that the child would go to) are not up to "code" or the adoptive parents don't expect to be "investigated" as heavily as they are. It very jarring (trust me) to have some random stranger walk into your house and start rifling through your drawers and cabinets, pulling stuff out and going "this can't go here" but that's exactly part of the process. Along with them making sure for the first years that you didn't go put that stuff back. As foster parents we sign up for that, but adoptive parents don't realize that it's part of what they go through too, even after the adoption has gone through.

TL;DR

You had sex, you may have made the baby. You should find out. You need to "man up" and do what is right for that child. You never should have had sex (even with protection) if you were not prepared for the consequences. However, "what's right for the child" may very well not be you. And there are options and help out there should you need it or want it. Those options will be much better for the child if they have proof that the father doesn't want to be involved, then if it's a big question mark. Do what's right, take the test, then make decisions. Tell your parents, ask your friends, and seek support from local sources. Your not important any more, only the child is important. Take that mind set, suffer though the awkward conversations, and understand that there are options, and it doesn't mean an end to your life, though it could mean a change.

I want to add my response here, because it seems like most of the answers you've received already are telling you you SHOULD take on the responsibility of being this baby's father, if it turns out he is yours. I am ALSO going to tell you that, but I want to honestly address what you give up in becoming a parent, so that you really understand the magnitude of the sacrifice. Because even if everyone says you should do it, you are the only one who can decide whether you're able to meet the challenge. Based on my experience, adopted parents can be great, or they can be terrible, just like with biological parents. If you think you won't be terrible, then it's a far safer gamble for your child if he grows up with you. But anyway, here's my anecdote about becoming a (primary) parent, and the things it did to my life that I didn't fully consider beforehand:

Babies (especially small babies) are a huge amount of work. They generally need to eat every couple of hours (with my son it was 8-9 times per day). They also need a new diaper at some point after they eat, so that's about 8 diapers per day. When they're awake, they cannot be left alone, because they are so incapable of anything that even in very safe conditions they can find ways to injure themselves. They do sleep frequently at first, but never long enough for you to get really engaged in a mentally demanding project, so for the most part the best you can do while they sleep is to rest yourself, or maybe start a load of laundry and catch up on dishes. Or possibly read for a bit, or watch a movie with headphones on. Maybe the worst part, though, is that sometimes babies cry and cry and cry, and they can't tell you why, and you can't figure it out, and there's just no way to make it stop for a while. You'll also, of course, have to get up frequently during the night (that's the classic cliche of parenting that we see in all the shows and movies), and if you're the only parent, you'll be the one getting up every time. When the baby becomes mobile, he'll arguably become more work, even though his eat/sleep/poop cycle will be at less frequent and longer intervals. These are just some of the effects having a baby has on your private life, but the impacts on your public/interpersonal life are in my opinion even bigger.

Especially at your age, you likely don't have many (maybe any) friends who are excited about hanging out with babies. Even if they are excited about it, you'll only have a couple of options for hanging out: they can come to you and chat/hang out while you take care of the baby and do baby things, or you can meet them out at a park to walk the baby - as long as it happens before baby's 11am nap! - or you can talk to them on the phone for brief intervals. If your parents are available and willing to help you, you might be able to go out in the evening to a movie or a bar, but on the days they can't help you, you'll be stuck at home basically from 7:30pm on. Over time, your friends will get used to the idea that you can't hang out with them, and they'll probably stop asking. You and they will just be living in different life phases which are hugely incompatible in a lot of ways, and there's not much you can do about that. Your really GREAT friends, though, will find ways to stick around, and will keep reaching out to you - so you'll also find out who those people are.

Emotionally and psychologically, this is all much easier to deal with if you love your baby. But no matter what anyone says, there is no guarantee that you will, especially at first. You have a difficult situation in which you openly acknowledge that you do not want the baby, and that will make loving him a lot harder. I had postpartum depression after my son was born, so I can relate to this. I did not love my son. Dealing with his needs on my own every day pushed me to the absolute limits of my patience and far far beyond. I could see the person I had been absolutely disintegrating, and I couldn't see that any experience I had with my baby was worth that total destruction of myself. There was one occasion where I had to put him in his crib and go lock myself in my car in the garage so I wouldn't hear him screaming anymore, even though it wasn't safe for me to leave him alone. There was another time I got so frustrated that I kicked a hole in my bedroom wall. Another time I considered drowning myself because then I'd never have to be so tired again.

BUT

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Loving a baby is just like building a long term relationship with any other person, and as they get older, babies have more and more substance as people. Even if you don't love your son at first, eventually he will start to show you who he is on the inside, and you will not be able to help but love him, as long as you're there, and paying attention, and you receive what he gives you in terms of his thoughts and feelings and understanding. For me, this started happening around 18 months. My son is a compassionate little guy. He could tell when I was upset and he would pet my hand and smile at me and come give me hugs. He also was interested in things, and seeing his curiosity allowed me to remember what it was like seeing a butterfly or touching tree bark for the first time. Also, once he was able to understand the dangers of stairs (around age 2) he became a lot less work, because in many day-to-day situations he was able to watch out for his own safety. Our relationship became far less one-sided. Of course I still had to do everything for him, but "everything" at age three now no longer includes holding his fork for him, or changing his diaper, or picking up his toys. We can read together, and play soccer together, and sing together. We can even go out to the (child appropriate) movies together. And I love love love love LOVE him! Yes, it is still sometimes frustrating that I can't say yes when my friends ask me to be in a band or a play, because I just can't make that kind of time commitment, but they can come over to my house and my son goes to bed early (and stays there! Which not all kids do) so we can do grown up things after that.

As far as how being a parent has changed me:1) I am much more diligent and on top of everything I need to do, whether it's related to being a parent, caring for my home, caring for myself, doing well in school, or doing well at work. 2) I am hugely more patient and even-keel in all situations. 3) I think and act towards long-term goals in a much more focused and achievable way. 4) I am happy.

I would say that becoming a parent, particularly when I accepted being a parent and embraced that role, it allowed me to become an adult in ways that no previous experience ever had, and I suspect no other experience really could have. I am very glad that I pushed through the horror of the first 18 months, and every day with my son gets better and better.

So: if he's your son, you would be depriving yourself of a golden opportunity if you give him up. However, expect that before it becomes a wonderful thing, all your worst fears about it will likely become real experiences for you. It will be HUGELY helpful to you if your parents are available to help-particularly if your mom doesn't work many hours or something like that.

Good luck.

Children cost time and money that is a fact. However, it is also true that they can be cheaper than friends (eating in with a baby is cheaper than eating out), and that they are more rewarding than most any friendship you will have if you care enough to do it right.

If you become the father you will end up directing most of your free resources to the child. You have to decide if this is more worthwhile than whatever you do with your free-time and money now.

However, psychologically, I don't know how I could live the rest of my life in peace if I had a kid and let them be adopted by another family; it would eat me up. This is why a lot of parents who give their kids up for adoption later want to reconnect; at that point I would surely want to have a better answer to their question than "you were inconvenient". Parenthood is no picnic, but I would choose it over a life of banal entertainment any day and certainly would choose it over living the rest of my life in a prison of regret knowing I could have been there for my child but wasn't.

I am personally the father of 4 boys (ages 6 - 0). My wife and I had them starting when i was 22 and she was 21 and didn't have grandparents around a lot. Never read a parenting book, but I think things are turning out just fine. With just 1 boy and grandparents to help you will be able to manage just fine.

Of course this all assumes the child is indeed yours.

There is a lot of good advice in the existing answers here, but there are two things I would like to add.

1. Parenting is extremely rewarding, and like many people have said here, you may find it's worth the sacrifice. But be sure it's what you want. If you really, truly don't want to be a parent, then the best thing for your child is to have someone who does. Don't get forced or coerced into it, and then live the rest of your life resentful of your child. That's not fair to them.

2. As the father of adopted children, I can testify to how hard it is for them not to know the identity of their birth fathers. If the child is already in the care of the state, and being placed for adoption, then I would encourage you to go ahead with the paternity test. That way the child will at least know who you are, and maybe (who knows?) sometime in the future will want to have a relationship with you.

I notice the woman is saying that you might be the father, not that you definitely are the father. If you are certain you don't want to have anything to do with the child even if you are the father, I would suggest that you just tell social services that you are sure you aren't the father and they had better check with the other possibilities.

However, your comment about being 50/50 on whether the child is yours suggests that you may have some ambivalence about the situation, and might want contact with the child if he is actually yours. In this case, I second the advice to get a paternity test and legal advice. However, I'd add some advice that others haven't noted.

I'd suggest that you try to get a paternity test for your own knowledge only, so that you will still have some freedom to decide on your next steps without immediately accepting legal responsibility.

In the US, you could do this by buying a paternity test, doing the swabbing yourself when you have few minutes alone with the baby, and submitting the samples without establishing a legal chain of custody. The test would not be admissible in court, and if you do it right - check with your lawyer on this - might even be considered privileged information that you wouldn't have to reveal at all. Things might work somewhat differently in the UK, but your lawyer should be able to tell you if there's a local equivalent.

If the child isn't yours, you don't have to worry about it any more. If the child is yours, but you aren't ready to be a full parent, at least you'll be able to release your rights to adoptive parents who are ready for and want a child. Or you might change your mind and decide that you want the child after all, especially if your parents are willing to help out with the child care.

聽起來您似乎還沒有準備好承擔養育子女的責任。您消息中的所有內容都是“我-我-我”，而且您似乎沒有考慮這個可能是您的孩子。我不願做判斷，但我要猜測，在您生命中的這一點上，您不是一個養育孩子的好選擇，而收養很可能是這個孩子在安全環境中長大的最佳機會。和培育環境。請考慮一下。

在您做任何事情之前，我希望您考慮一下。現在，您有一種直覺的感覺，可能這可能不是您的孩子。如果您什麼都不做，那麼您將在餘生中擁有這種感覺。我個人認為我無法忍受這種感覺，甚至可能死於無知。金錢，時間，夢想，以及我們現在緊緊抓住的所有事物，一旦您長大，將毫無意義。對您而言，最重要的是家庭。

另一方面，如果是您的家庭，您作為父母將會度過美好的時光。我21歲時也把某人打倒了。好吧，我很高興我有了這個孩子，我愛這個孩子，但是與此同時，幾乎我為自己所擁有的每一個希望和夢想，我都不得不扔掉窗戶，以便養育和照顧我的孩子。當您成為父母的那一刻，您的生活就結束了，成為父母是一個很大的問題，但這對您來說也可能是最好的事情。孩子，並且正在生一個孩子。但是對我來說，我必須知道它是否屬於我。

我對英國一無所知，但如果伴侶告訴您他們正在使用避孕藥具並且在撒謊，那實際上是“強姦”（參考： http://cps.gov.uk/有關“有條件同意”的法律/ p_to_r / rape_and_sexual_offences /同意部分），因此，如果是您的，則應該可以將她鎖定為強姦->即使您不想這樣做，也可以必須，以幫助也將成為此受害者的其他人。

如果媽媽是不適合父母的父母和S | ut，確實會使生活更加艱難。我不知道她是否會在以後讓您痛苦，如果她試圖讓孩子回來。有些媽媽為監護權而戰，等等。

如果事實證明不是您的孩子，那我想這很好。您躲開了子彈，如果孩子被一個充滿愛心的家庭收養，他們都可以過上美好的生活。

我希望您一切順利，無論未來如何。