這是一個學習的機會，但對於一個以上的人，尤其是您的孩子和您。

首先，您需要了解整個故事，並且可以不能從你兒子那裡得到一切；他可能很不明白那個成年人當時的期望。因此，與成年人交談。

我確實說過成年人，但這不是成年人應該處理的情況。如果是在我家過夜，一個孩子表現不佳，我就不會送孩子回家。我會和他們私下坐下來，檢查我對他們的期望（不傷害其他孩子，不打名字，等等。）只有當孩子在受到警告後再次真正受傷時，我才會帶客人回到他們的房子。 / p>

當我（成人）在解釋某事時笑著可能會給孩子一個講座，但沒有引導。送孩子回家不尊重成年人會向我發出各種危險信號。

與您的鄰居交談。注意保持中立。如果他覺得自己有判斷力，他可能會使事情變得比過去更糟。盡可能多地獲取細節。

和兒子一起入住。比較故事。盡您最大的能力找出可能發生的情況，以及您的兒子或鄰居是誰因為“不尊重”而過錯？將來要記住這一點。

讓您的兒子向鄰居正式道歉。道歉不只是“對不起”。讓您的兒子也說出他做錯了什麼，並讓他向成年人保證他不會再這樣做了。

如果這還不足以讓您的兒子重新獲得鄰居的好感，那就是另外一個危險信號。

無論您做什麼，都應盡可能支持兒子。他在朋友面前被羞辱（也許他應得的，但也許不是），他哭著回家。他受了苦。

_{個人而言，我不贊成盲目的“尊重權威”方法。請閱讀有關亞當·沃爾什（Adam Walsh）的極端案例，或閱讀有關虐待兒童的日常故事。並非所有成年人都應服從。某些成人應避開。 sub>}

要么父親反應過度，要么故事比他最初報導的更多。我無法想像孩子已經得到糾正的某些事情（帶回家，不准留下）會要求其他懲罰。我不會對父親說這句話，因為它不可能很好地告訴成年人您認為他們處理不好的事情。相反，我請他澄清一下，問他的意圖是什麼，何時會通過，或者他想要我的孩子會做 em b>

也許這很簡單，就像爸爸認為您的兒子應該過來道歉一樣。他可能會看到他過來玩，因為他沒有處理它。我知道您的兒子肯定會後悔，但這並不意味著他已經告訴父親他很抱歉。通常情況下，直接道歉和對錯誤的所有權足以使大多數成年人放棄。我希望在這種情況下，如果他所做的只是在錯誤的時間笑。

我認為有兩種可能性：

1. 另一個爸爸瘋了。抱歉，也許我有點誇張，但是如果您的兒子說的是實話，我將永遠不會把我的兒子送過去。我特別擔心第二天他不允許他離開的事實，這似乎是孩子氣的舉止，以及我對一個存在很大自我問題的人的期望。

2. 你的兒子說的話不多。他可能做了一件非常糟糕的事情，他害怕讓您知道，因此，即使是另一位父親也不會因為擔心會產生實際問題而告訴您（因此另一位父親實際上是在尊重和機智的態度）。不知道這可能是什麼，但必須是一個非常嚴肅的事情。

ol>

無論哪種方式，您都需要確定哪個，我認為唯一的方法就是擁有與您的鄰居進行非常坦率的公開討論，然後與您的兒子再次進行公開討論。

讓您的兒子道歉，直到您知道發生的事情對我來說毫無意義，為什麼道歉？您需要深入淺出，所以，如果發生了什麼，您為真正發生的事情道歉。

Something does not add up. I would definitely talk to the other dad and say something along the lines of "I'm sorry my son misbehaved. Could you give me some details so that I can make sure he understands what he did was wrong?" No matter what he says, I would reply with "Thanks, I'll talk to my son about it."

This gives you a chance to get the whole story. It may be that your son was telling the truth, that there was a misunderstanding, or that your son was, in fact, misbehaving.

If the first, as others have said, this seems like an overreaction and I would take it as a warning sign.

If the second, I would give it a few days for things to cool off. Then go over with your son, apologize for the misunderstanding and maybe invite their kids over to your house to play.

If the third, talk to your son about what he did wrong and make him go over and apologize.

I always used to smile/grin when I was nervous as a child. It was something I couldn't help. A lot of people misconstrued it as being cheeky and defiant.

I can imagine that at 9 years old, I would have been grinning from ear to ear if a neighbour had told me off. In fact I'm sure it happened a few times.

It could be something your son always does, or just did in this situation.

Either way, I'd explain this possibility to the neighbour and see if he's open to taking a look at the situation from the perspective of a young child.

Whether the neighbour is receptive or not, I would explain to your son that I think it was a nervous smile, and that people will misunderstand it in future, so he should try not to do it, but not to worry too much because humans misunderstanding each other is a part of life.

即使假設您的兒子講的是事實和全部事實，而不是在掩蓋事實，父親的反應在我看來還是很合理的。它不是汽車旅館或足球場，而是某人的家。很榮幸邀請您的兒子去那裡。這個人不是付錢給老師或保姆來處理您兒子的行為。

整個故事中明顯缺少的是您兒子的道歉。當然，父親第二天不讓他來-他正在等待孩子的道歉，承認他很粗魯，並承諾將來會表現得更好。這樣的道歉應該早就發生，就像立即發生一樣。如果孩子從未學習過為不當行為道歉，那麼該是他學習的時候了。從表面上看，他的舉止是粗魯的，即使故事只不過是他說的話而已。 。如果我在超市踩到某人的腳趾，我就不會笑了，也沒關係我不想踩他們的腳趾。我立即道歉，因為在那種情況下這是有禮貌的行為。同上，如果我問一個女人，那麼實際上她還沒有懷孕，那麼她應該何時懷孕。如果我開個玩笑關於管道工在燒烤架上的對接縫開裂的話，也是如此，事實證明我告訴他的那個人是管道工。我以為那個女人懷孕了，還是我不知道那個男人是水管工，都沒關係。您的兒子9歲，已經足夠大了，可以理解這種禮貌行為的概念。

This may largely be a matter of different parenting styles and expectations. I don't feel it needs to end up being a case where you feel you have to take sides between your son and your neighbor --they might both be "right" in different ways. As most other people have mentioned, the first step is to have a private, adult-to-adult conversation with your neighbor, and get the full story from his side, with details. This really should have happened as soon as possible, and definitely prior to your son trying to go play at the neighbor's house again.

What we do definitely know is that there is a disconnect between what this parent expects, and your son's behavior. After hearing the whole story, you might decide that the other parent's expectations are unreasonable, and that your son shouldn't try to meet them. In that case, your son shouldn't play over there any more. On the other hand, even the best raised 9-year-olds can misjudge the right time for a joke. If the other parent was trying to explain a safety matter, or respond to a child being hurt, for example, a bunch of inappropriate laughter might have been more than he wanted to put up with at that moment. In that case, you should have a talk with your son about the need to match his behavior to the other parent's expectations if he wants to be invited to play there again (emphasis on "invited").

Either way, it is a parent's right (barring abusiveness) to set expectations in their own house, and to expect child guests to honor those (maybe he just didn't want to be laughed at by a 9-year-old in front of his own kids). We all encounter situations where we either have to meet the local standard or go home (whether we agree with it may be besides the point). The fact that you live across the street doesn't obligate either you to change your standards, or them to change theirs.

As many people has pointed out: Something does not match up. Your neighbours reaction is, according to the vast majority, not proportional to the "crime".

Many years ago a similar thing happened for a friend: His son was caught playing doctor at a friends house. He was sent home, and neither the parents, being ashamed of their own child, or the my friends son (also ashamed) told the truth.

This explanation might be unlikely, but at least you should consider it and talk to your son about it.

他說他由於粗魯，不尊重人和對權威的蔑視而被送回家。但是他沒有向我提供兒子實際所做的具體事例。

這是一個巨大的危險信號。這樣的被動攻擊行為（即沒有具體示例）表明總體上缺乏尊重。第二天他懷恨在心，這表明他是小子和有判斷力。對9歲的孩子懷恨在心！如果您不能承受幾個教養不同的隨機孩子的精力，那就不要沉迷於睡眠。他很虛弱。

我會支持你的兒子，而無需進一步調查。相信你的孩子如果另一個父親有一個正確的觀點，那麼您的孩子已經學習了這一課。

給您兒子的真正教訓是，您不能通過迴避來解決問題。您不像這個人那樣直接面對問題。如果某人在您的管理下有不當行為，那麼您可以糾正他們，您就不會排斥他們或懷恨在心。如果您不能解決問題，則可以正確地溝通，而不要與這個傢伙對您的判斷性廢話相提並論。

沒有人是完美的，因此有理由認為孩子可以做得更好。對於孩子來說，花一些時間對此進行反思，以找出他們在那種情況下確實可以做得更好的事情，並在合理的情況下，找到某種方式對此進行補償（也許道歉）是明智的。這是因為生活的主要目標是變得完美（同時請記住，完美不是期望）。因此，這是孩子學習的機會。

同樣的論點也適用於他的朋友父親。可以這麼說，把他扔在公共汽車下很誘人。從邏輯上講，他當然可以做得更好，而且正如本論壇其他成員所指出的那樣。這也是他反思現狀並弄清楚如何做得更好的機會。這很可能是通過你變得友好來實現的。

請務必記住，無論您是否同意他在他家中的權威。在一個有序的社會中，無論您個人如何尊重他，都應該尊重他。在他的房子裡，如果他不希望您的孩子過來，那麼您的孩子就不在那裡（當然，除非有極端的情況）。

因此，用一種平靜的方式談論局勢，並提供一種友誼的象徵（例如，只是友善，邀請他過來，給他禮物，道歉甚至開個玩笑）將對解決局勢有很大幫助。如果他根本不講道理，您會發現的，但這不是沒有提供您的友誼的藉口。如果您認為他是一個不穩定的人，那麼按要求進行處理當然是明智的。但是，如果沒有真實證據就不能假設這一點。

根據情況的嚴重性，您還可以發現與男人交談的另一件事，那麼對所發生事件的每個細節進行挖掘可能都無濟於事。挖掘行為可能使情況超出實際需要。那將消除您的孩子親自處理它的學習機會，這可能會使您的鄰居認為您是個瘋子（儘管這裡有人猜測他是瘋子），最重要的是，這需要花費大量的時間。可以在其他地方更好地利用的情感能量。

祝你好運和上帝的速度。

在錯誤的時間笑可能只是導致您兒子被護送回家的最後一根稻草，但是有更早的促成因素。對於您的兒子來說，“原因”是在帶回您的鄰居之前發生的事情，而到您的鄰居那裡可能發生了一連串不斷升級的事件。您的兒子說：“爸爸想和他們談點事情”-如果那已經是“您不需要做X對話”，那麼我可以理解您的鄰居因為他沒聽而感到沮喪。

您可以嘗試與您的兒子談論過夜期間發生的事情。他們在玩遊戲嗎？他們到處跑嗎？他們有沒有做任何在您家裡沒有發生的事情？首先讓他向您背誦這一切，以便您不要停止他的發言，然後，如果您看到任何危險的信號，您可以提出更深層次的問題，例如“有事被打破”或“使父親難過”等。

You are assuming your son is telling you the whole story, that he behaved correctly and didn't do anything wrong. That's a bad assumption.

If your son did something wrong most probably he will try to hide or disguise it if he expects you could react. No matter the level of confidence you have on him. It's human nature.

When a bunch of kids gather in unusual place/circumstances/etc they may act like a bunch of psychos. I have seen this happened a lot of times working with kids. One has a "great idea" and the rest will follow.... And it isn't always the "leader" who pays the consequences, maybe the shy well-mannered candid kid is who ends getting all the fault.

"Problem was someone thought it was a great idea to play with a basket ball inside the house, consequence was a broken flat TV, culprit was that bloody giggling kid"

Anyway, you should talk with an adult face-to-face about what happened and stop guessing. And yes, the basket ball, broken TV and giggling kid was a true story.

在採取進一步行動之前，我個人將考慮以下內容：

1. 一個9歲的年輕人已經能夠詳細說明並解釋複雜的情況；
2. 所有這些詳細信息您的兒子提供的信息可能對以後與鄰居的交流很有幫助；
3. 如果您認為他漏掉了細節或撒謊，請不要指責他，因為情況可能比您認為的要復雜得多。
4. 弄清楚如何以一種友好的方式接近您的鄰居，例如：

   對於那天打擾所有人的情況我感到抱歉，我已經和兒子談過，他無法提供更多詳細信息。但是，我希望他學習如何在任何情況下都尊重他人。您能否向我描述發生了什麼事，以便我能夠向他解釋在這種情況下如何受到尊重？

ol>

接受不可避免的與所有人接觸的隔離與您的鄰居可能會傷害鄰居關係，尤其是您的兒子和鄰居的孩子的感情。如果不了解問題背後的真正原因，這也可能是完全不必要的。進一步分析這兩種解釋，可能會得出更實質的結論，並允許您採取相應行動。

這個父親已經準備好在聽起來很瑣碎的事情上完全羞辱您和您的兒子，這一事實並沒有對他說什麼好。如果您的兒子實際上做了任何需要這種治療的事情，父親就會告訴您。他不願透露任何細節的事實意味著他知道這聽起來很瑣碎。

最重要的是養育您的兒子。在沒有其他證據的情況下，我認為您需要假設另一個孩子的父親確實是有過錯的父親，而不是您的兒子。

也許您可以再次與父親見面，並請他告訴您您兒子的所作所為，以便您可以與他談談。如果他仍然拒絕提供任何細節，那麼您的兒子可能只需要和其他地方的朋友一起出去玩。可能沒有更好的解決方案。如果是我的兒子，我會擔心他無論如何都會和他在一起。

這主要是對其他一些答案的回應，但是我沒有足夠的評論。的確，您可以出於任何原因將“客人”從家裡“踢出去”，但涉及孩子的情況卻有所不同。鄰居同意整夜照顧他們。如果他把孩子踢了出去，卻沒人回家讓他回來怎麼辦？我至少希望鄰居打電話來確保有人在家。

我的建議是從鄰居那裡獲得更多信息。嘗試聽起來隨意而無判斷力。從簡短的對話開始，例如“那麼睡覺時發生了什麼？”。

Lots of great answers here. Just my 2 cents.

I am noticing an inconsistency here. Your neighbors are having sleepovers. Other people trust their kids to go there safely. Might be worth finding out from other parents if they ever had an experience like that with that particular family. If it's the dad, then you're likely to hear something from other parents.

There's also another option. Your son might have done something that is not easily discussed with other adults - say, maybe touch someone inappropriately (in play, and not stop when told), say or do something indicative of taboo problems with adults close to him. Kids around his age act out sexual abuse on their peers without really understanding what they are doing. I sincerely hope it's not the case but if we assume the dad in question is sane since there isn't a reason to assume otherwise, something your son did might indicate a problem another adult is not comfortable, or knows how to, bring up with parents.

Again, I sincerely hope I am wrong but unfortunately child abuse is common enough to make sure everyone is aware of red flags as early as possible.

我告訴他他必須傾聽並尊重成年人。

我認為您應該教的恰恰是相反的一課：儘管他一定不要對處境不利的人討厭（較小的兒童，殘疾人），他有權與自己的平等和權威建立自己的關係和態度。

雖然大多數成年人與（父母，老師，醫生）進行互動（或與父母互動）牢記自己的利益，並可以依靠其提供誠實和有價值的反饋，最終它將改變。建立包括現在在內的任何時間都是一個很好的協議：告訴您的兒子，如果第三方不喜歡他，您將不會懲罰他。可以傳授的任何基本的行為教訓已經是：他生氣了一個男人，現在不得不忍受生氣了一個男人的後果。

步驟2，如果他不開心有了結果（聽起來像他不是），您可以提出幫助他解決情況的條件（前提是他告訴您真相，不是因為您要求知道，而是因為您的建議否則將無濟於事）。也許您的兒子確實做了不好的事情，需要幫助識別它為什麼不好，然後他可能想道歉。也許這傢伙反應過度了，而您的兒子可能想提出一個假道歉（告訴他這沒有什麼貶義的；相反，成功欺騙不合理的沖洗很聰明）。

being rude, disrespectful, and defiant to authority.

Well this is really all you have to go on. You could ask your son, but if he doesn't understand what wen't wrong then he won't be able to tell you.

For example, I could totally see sending a kid (or all kids home) for laughing at an adult that had a disability for hours on end. Even when told to stop, and when it was explained.

I could also see doing it if (sending kids home) if the "defiant to authority" was something like "I told you before, don't hit Suzie with the flash light" and they keep doing it and laughing about it.

I could also be ok with (though I personally wouldn't) them sending my kids home because they didn't know how to get them to behave. People have very different ideas of what's ok for discipline and what is not. I would much rather you send my kids home then spank them, for example.

Now when I would get frustrated enough to send kids home, I most certainly would not want to talk to the parents right away. I know I need to provide a reason, but "Billy did x, y and z" just isn't in me at that point. If you responded with a "but did you try.." then were in an argument as adults, and that's a really bad thing. I mean I'm already upset enough to bring kids home, Last thing I want to hear is how your son is a perfect angle, and can do no wrong. The next day, however seems like a great time to have a talk about what went wrong and what the fall out is going to be.

There are a few things to remember though:

• Unless these people are mental, your son did do something wrong in their eyes. Different people have different rules, expectations, and needs. So you might not think it was wrong, but they might find it totally unacceptable.
• Your son has already, "paid the price". Even if the neighbors come back with something that you feel is extremely bad behavior, don't issue ner punishments.
• There are many reasons to send kids home. Some are as a punishment, and some are because you don't know how to handle them. Not all of them are because the child is so bad. Maybe the parent has an issue, or is trying to correct behaviors in their own child and your got caught up in the "If you don't stop fighting, Everyone is going home."

To get this turned around into a learning situation and not just a "I have been punished" situation, your can look at and examine how different religions and cultures handle different behaviors. You can show, for example that Muslim women "cover their faces" while Christian people do not. Or that some cultures spank, and you don't. Look at history and today and point out how the same actions are though of as acceptable, and totally not acceptable to different people.

It's important to show both the actions and the punishments changing with the people in question.

Then you can explain how Mr. Neighbor though an action was bad, even though you don't. And how his "punishment" was different then you would have done. You can explain, or try to, that when your at Mr. Neighbors house, you need to follow his rules. Even if they seem weird.

Finally you should be prepared that your son is now considered a bad influence on his friend. I certainly would not let my kids hang out with other kids that I thought were a bad influence. But keep in mind that one persons idea of bad influence doesn't need to line up with another's (or line up with popular culture's ideas).

兩個人都可能說實話，並且任何人都沒有故意的錯誤行為。睡過頭時，放鬆正常的規則會產生壓力。患有某些原本無害的醫療條件（PTSD，腦震盪會導致腦部瘢痕形成）的人在壓力下會以無法預測的方式對正常情況做出反應。

那父親聽起來很過時。如果您的兒子是9歲，那麼如果您向他解釋說這個人有自卑感，他會完全理解，他會毫不猶豫地讓別人感到不舒服。還要告訴他在任何可能的時候要尊重他人。是因為他想要更多的朋友，還是因為他想要避免像您的鄰居這樣的愚蠢的人。關於這一點，從現在起完全不理會您的鄰居。不會感到不舒服，只因為他很愚蠢就避開他。

I have serious concerns about any parent who would describe a 9 year old as "defiant" or "disrespectful" as though that was worthy of punitive action. Children are not soldiers who should blindly obey orders nor does punishing them accomplish anything of value. This makes me question the father's conduct, not your son;s. Maybe the only lesson for your son to learn is that his friend's dad is very controlling and treats children badly.

讓我們從鄰居的角度來看這個問題。鄰居的孩子正在你家過夜。為了讓鄰居孩子像這樣早早地羞辱他，必鬚髮生什麼不幸的事情呢？我是父母，我會向後彎腰避免發生這種情況。換句話說，如果達到該閾值，則足以為另一父級提供足夠的詳細信息。

我說的是不好的話，比如被告知不要在屋子里扔東西後打碎另一個窗戶。像是完全不服從。如果您的兒子每天都能上學而不會遇到麻煩，那麼這就是鄰居的問題。似乎您的孩子所做的一切都是誤讀了別人家中的情況。

無論如何，您都不希望您的孩子在那所房子裡。男孩們可以在外面玩。以後任何邀請都需要面對面，否則我將不做進一步調查。我會很親切，但要與鄰居保持距離，希望男孩們仍然是朋友。孩子們是極富彈性的小動物。

我對過馬路的孩子有感覺。如果情況允許，也許您偶爾可以將他包括在您的一些家庭活動中。我也很想你的兒子。